Amanda and Peter presented after Peter had an affair at work. After our initial consultation it appeared that both had been feeling lonely in the mariage and that their distance from each other had started after the birth of their children. Amanda had stayed home after the birth of their first daughter and Peter had focused on work and worked long hours. Amanda had felt lonely and resentful that Peter was 'not there' for her during the upheaval of first time motherhood and, her protests falling on deaf ears (as Peter felt helpless to help, he did not know 'how to fix it'), Amanda had slowly withdrawn in resentful silence, creating more distance. Peter had in turn felt confused and hurt and withdrew further emotionally, eventually leading to him having an affair. Amanda and Peter were however very commited to their mariage and worked hard at being more available to their partner physically and emotionall. Learning to not shut down communication but to approach the other parnter when hurt or angry rather than withdrawing was an important step in building a sense of closeness and connection again.